My wife and I are approaching our first anniversary. While we’re by no means experts on the topic of marriage, we are a little further along than some friends who are engaged or have recently gotten married, so I want to share a list of recommended resources and advice for our friends who are Christians. If something here helps you out, or if you have additional thoughts on the topic, I’d love to hear from you. For any of the young women with questions, my wife Karen would be happy to help where she can–and I have to add that she has her Bachelor’s Degree in Biblical Counseling.

The List:

1. Go through the marriage DVD series from Paul Tripp, “What Did You Expect?” - This series that was developed out of a marriage conference contains 10 separate 25-minute sessions. If you can’t do the DVD version, read the book by the same title.
2. Ask an older and more mature couple to sit down with you both for premarital counseling. I’ve heard of this being done in different formats, and I’m sure there are benefits to different styles, but do this with another couple whose marriage relationship is one that people look up to, and of course, plan to follow up with them after your wedding takes place. The goal here isn’t to make it to the wedding day–you as a committed Christian are looking far beyond that to establish a solid marriage that honors God.
3. Study the attributes of God in a book like A.W. Tozer’s “The Knowledge of the Holy.” And if you haven’t read a book together, keep in mind that there’s no need to read out loud to each other. I prefer reading on my own while adding post-it notes to the pages I want to review and discuss afterwards, but that’s only a preference.
4. Focus on your own individual relationship with God through prayer and through reading your Bible. If you only did one thing on this list, pick this one. Your personal relationship with the Lord will affect all other relationships, so do not neglect it or fool yourself into blending it with another relationship you have.
5. Get serious about discussing financial issues. Larry Burkett’s book, “The Complete Financial Guide for Young Couples“ was a very helpful resource for my wife and I to get a quick overview of the major and minor financial choices we would soon be facing together. You NEED to have a plan. If you haven’t gone through a book like this, you’ll be amazed to find some things you’d never thought about that could potentially become real conflicts in marriage without having talked about them before they crash landed in your lap. Secondly with finances, consider picking up Randy Alcorn’s quick and easy to read book, ”The Treasure Principle: Discovering the Secret of Joyful Giving,” for an eye-opening look at how Jesus would have Christians wisely use their resources.
6. Go through The First Years of Forever by Dr. Ed Wheat and Gloria Okes Perkins to get a great deal of practical wisdom. They stress the need to seek help when issues come up, rather than make the serious mistake of waiting months or even years before going to others.
7. Here’s where I need to recommend a book while putting a huge disclaimer on it. You must read Intended for Pleasure: Sex Technique and Sexual Fulfillment in Christian Marriage by Dr. Ed Wheat and Gaye Wheat, but if you’re not yet married, don’t start reading this until you are close to your wedding night. You’ll find over 250 pages of comprehensive and trusted advice, including a key reminder you must not forget: The best way to discover what your partner enjoys will be found not in a book, but through communication with your partner about the subject.
8. Last but not least, read this solid book about living a Christ-centered marriage by applying the truth of the Gospel to your everyday lives: ”When Sinners Say ‘I Do’,” by Dave Harvey (foreword by Paul Tripp).

.

“He was already a legend–and that’s what I found so heartwarming in this–he was already a legend in the eyes of those he had led.”

Mohler also pointed out a very different idea of true heroism: after the war was over, Mr. Winters worked in a fertilizer plant, and later the animal feed business. The man just went right back to work.

.

At an event with JP, the billionaire who started the company 30 years ago.

I’ve been with my company for over two years now, and I have to say it’s an amazing and unique place to work, where I’m continually thankful for the opportunities I’ve already been given to learn, the people I’ve had the privilege of getting to know, and the financial stability that has been provided. My desire is that I’ll continue building caring and beneficial relationships here, not to mention expanding my knowledge of technology in computers as I’m always finding out how much I still don’t yet understand in the vast world of information technology.

What I’d like to briefly share here is a summary of how things fell into place when I was job searching, because I think it’s worth writing down for some friends who might be encouraged by the account, and equally it’s a reminder to myself about how God has been faithful.

I was a full-time college student with a part time job at another company. It was a great situation; being on the cutting edge of Microsoft’s newly improved SharePoint software technology for business communication and collaboration, and I was working with great people including my boss at the time who I still enjoy meeting up with for lunch these days when we get the chance. That company’s corporate headquarters had just been moved from across the United States into my city, and I was taking on a more crucial role within the organization to roll-out this new project company-wide while slowly training key individuals on how the new system would become an efficient tool in the way the company did business. They made it clear that they wanted me to stay in the position, but during a time of economic uncertainty, the company let me know that they just wouldn’t be able to hire full-time.

Sad to hear this, I accepted the news and started looking around for a full-time position. In the back of my mind there was a thought of that offer I received over a month before that from someone at Paul Mitchell who had found my online resume through my buddy Shay’s profile on LinkedIn.com. I sent over a carefully written email, checking if by some small chance the company was still looking to hire after I had already declined their previous offer. They were interested, so we set up an interview. I was pretty nervous after not having done an interview for a couple of years, and it showed. I talked with the guys for over an hour as they asked a lot of questions that I didn’t feel confident about how to answer. Driving away from the building I basically accepted the fact that I wasn’t going to be invited back, because I must have failed the interview by being nervous and not knowing the answers.

But soon after, I received a phone call from them asking if I wanted the job. I was shocked–what about the bad interview? I told them yes, I accepted the offer, and called my family to share the exciting news. At some point I remembered that God had provided all this, so I thanked him, and felt dumb about forgetting how I had prayed for a good outcome without first coming back to thank God for giving me exactly what I wanted. So that all went down on a Friday afternoon.

Along came Monday. The company I was about to step away from approached me, but this time explaining how important my position was after the CEO of the company saw my big project, and asked what it would take to keep me there. Wait… what now? How was I supposed to respond? I had just accepted the new position. Maybe I could just call back Paul Mitchell and apologize for the change in circumstances. Oh sure, but hadn’t I already given them my word? Should I stay true to that?  But…what if  the new job fell through and left me without one? Plus, the people at the current job were finally becoming familiar, and I don’t like being in completely new situations, so why don’t I just stay comfortable and go back on my word? And they were even letting me name my salary figure, how could I leave them?

No, I knew that God was in control, as he’s always been throughout the other choices I’ve been faced with in life, so he must have a reason for this. I had already told the new company that I accepted the position, and it was my own fear of the unknown that was making me hesitant. I really wanted to stay comfortable, but if this was what God wanted to use to help me grow, then alright, I would follow. There were plenty of doubts in my mind, but it was decided: I declined the offer to stay on board, and said goodbye to the comfortable and familiar position. If God was faithful in providing for me up until this point, He would certainly honor what little weak faith I had at this moment of trust in him. He had a plan, of course, as he always does, even though it’s not often that I get to see so clearly after two good years the result of one little decision to step out of my comfort zone.

The one small decision wasn’t whether or not I’d accept the new job–it was whether or not I’d trust in God’s faithfulness. I could’ve stayed in a comfortable situation, but missed out on all these new relationships and learning opportunities.

So I know these are rough economic times, and many of my friends are having a hard time finding a job, but I still wanted to share this story of how God was faithful, because he’s still that way regardless of whether you’re stuck in a difficult job or you’ve been searching non-stop for months. He will provide grace somehow to those who know Him, even if that’s not in the form of money. If God told the apostle Paul in 2 Corinthians 12:9 that “My grace is sufficient for you” when Paul was disappointed in his own weaknesses, then certainly God’s grace is sufficient for this situation, not to mention how Paul went through physical beatings, imprisonment, being shipwrecked, being kicked out of cities, and other incidents during which he still held fast to faith in the Lord. One last thing: although I’m talking about God honoring my decision, it should be obvious that He’s the hero of this story, so keep that in mind, otherwise you’ll be pretty disappointed when you see how often I fail in the decisions I make. He’s the only one you can fully trust.

*Disclaimer: the views expressed here do not necessarily reflect the views of my employer (John Paul Mitchell Systems).

.

(Put together by Desiring God Ministries. More info: www.dontwasteyourlife.com)

And just to clarify after you’ve watched this video, it has nothing to do with becoming a workaholic, or even an older person being physically incapable of working a normal full-time job. The message of this video is in direct opposition to the commonly glorified practice we have in America of quitting work later in life in order to blow all of our money on our own personal pleasure.  The reason I’m posting this video now is this: make no mistake my Christian brothers and sisters, you’re laying the groundwork for this decision right now in the way you think and the ways you’re already choosing to spend the money you’ve been given. I’ve talked to my fiancée about this issue, and she would’ve been concerned if I had chosen to have it any other way than this, meaning that we are on the same page approaching the issue. If you go into this issue saying “I’ve worked hard to earn this; what’s wrong with going into retirement?” then I’d like to point out that your question is already biased, and a more honest question for a Christian would be to ask “What could I be doing for Christ at this point in my life?” One last thing: I’ll echo in the words of Piper, “God help me live up to this,” because it’s going to be far from easy in the American culture.