My wife and I are approaching our first anniversary. While we’re by no means experts on the topic of marriage, we are a little further along than some friends who are engaged or have recently gotten married, so I want to share a list of recommended resources and advice for our friends who are Christians. If something here helps you out, or if you have additional thoughts on the topic, I’d love to hear from you. For any of the young women with questions, my wife Karen would be happy to help where she can–and I have to add that she has her Bachelor’s Degree in Biblical Counseling.

The List:

1. Go through the marriage DVD series from Paul Tripp, “What Did You Expect?” - This series that was developed out of a marriage conference contains 10 separate 25-minute sessions. If you can’t do the DVD version, read the book by the same title.
2. Ask an older and more mature couple to sit down with you both for premarital counseling. I’ve heard of this being done in different formats, and I’m sure there are benefits to different styles, but do this with another couple whose marriage relationship is one that people look up to, and of course, plan to follow up with them after your wedding takes place. The goal here isn’t to make it to the wedding day–you as a committed Christian are looking far beyond that to establish a solid marriage that honors God.
3. Study the attributes of God in a book like A.W. Tozer’s “The Knowledge of the Holy.” And if you haven’t read a book together, keep in mind that there’s no need to read out loud to each other. I prefer reading on my own while adding post-it notes to the pages I want to review and discuss afterwards, but that’s only a preference.
4. Focus on your own individual relationship with God through prayer and through reading your Bible. If you only did one thing on this list, pick this one. Your personal relationship with the Lord will affect all other relationships, so do not neglect it or fool yourself into blending it with another relationship you have.
5. Get serious about discussing financial issues. Larry Burkett’s book, “The Complete Financial Guide for Young Couples“ was a very helpful resource for my wife and I to get a quick overview of the major and minor financial choices we would soon be facing together. You NEED to have a plan. If you haven’t gone through a book like this, you’ll be amazed to find some things you’d never thought about that could potentially become real conflicts in marriage without having talked about them before they crash landed in your lap. Secondly with finances, consider picking up Randy Alcorn’s quick and easy to read book, ”The Treasure Principle: Discovering the Secret of Joyful Giving,” for an eye-opening look at how Jesus would have Christians wisely use their resources.
6. Go through The First Years of Forever by Dr. Ed Wheat and Gloria Okes Perkins to get a great deal of practical wisdom. They stress the need to seek help when issues come up, rather than make the serious mistake of waiting months or even years before going to others.
7. Here’s where I need to recommend a book while putting a huge disclaimer on it. You must read Intended for Pleasure: Sex Technique and Sexual Fulfillment in Christian Marriage by Dr. Ed Wheat and Gaye Wheat, but if you’re not yet married, don’t start reading this until you are close to your wedding night. You’ll find over 250 pages of comprehensive and trusted advice, including a key reminder you must not forget: The best way to discover what your partner enjoys will be found not in a book, but through communication with your partner about the subject.
8. Last but not least, read this solid book about living a Christ-centered marriage by applying the truth of the Gospel to your everyday lives: ”When Sinners Say ‘I Do’,” by Dave Harvey (foreword by Paul Tripp).

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