Photo: www.Resolved.org

Recently I had the privilege of hearing some of the best advice on leadership, coming from someone who has made a noticeable impact on my life over the last year and a half. This was a question and answer time between Rick Holland and a group of 50 of us young men (college age and recently out of college) who are involved in a weekly Grace Community Church Bible study that meets on the campus of College of the Canyons (Santa Clarita, CA). Rick Holland has faithfully served as the pastor over college ministry at Grace Community Church for the last 14 years, and is now moving out to Kansas City to be a full-time pastor at Mission Road Bible Church. The wisdom and maturity he has devoloped over the years of ministry quickly become evident, and my purpose in transcribing some of his quotes here is to encourage and challenge other Christian guys in my life to consider additional ways they can purposefully pursue leadership. Since these are only select quotes with minimal context, you’ll definitely want to download the full audio from this event (4/27/11) and listen when time permits.

My wife and I are approaching our first anniversary. While we’re by no means experts on the topic of marriage, we are a little further along than some friends who are engaged or have recently gotten married, so I want to share a list of recommended resources and advice for our friends who are Christians. If something here helps you out, or if you have additional thoughts on the topic, I’d love to hear from you. For any of the young women with questions, my wife Karen would be happy to help where she can–and I have to add that she has her Bachelor’s Degree in Biblical Counseling.

The List:

1. Go through the marriage DVD series from Paul Tripp, “What Did You Expect?” - This series that was developed out of a marriage conference contains 10 separate 25-minute sessions. If you can’t do the DVD version, read the book by the same title.
2. Ask an older and more mature couple to sit down with you both for premarital counseling. I’ve heard of this being done in different formats, and I’m sure there are benefits to different styles, but do this with another couple whose marriage relationship is one that people look up to, and of course, plan to follow up with them after your wedding takes place. The goal here isn’t to make it to the wedding day–you as a committed Christian are looking far beyond that to establish a solid marriage that honors God.
3. Study the attributes of God in a book like A.W. Tozer’s “The Knowledge of the Holy.” And if you haven’t read a book together, keep in mind that there’s no need to read out loud to each other. I prefer reading on my own while adding post-it notes to the pages I want to review and discuss afterwards, but that’s only a preference.
4. Focus on your own individual relationship with God through prayer and through reading your Bible. If you only did one thing on this list, pick this one. Your personal relationship with the Lord will affect all other relationships, so do not neglect it or fool yourself into blending it with another relationship you have.
5. Get serious about discussing financial issues. Larry Burkett’s book, “The Complete Financial Guide for Young Couples“ was a very helpful resource for my wife and I to get a quick overview of the major and minor financial choices we would soon be facing together. You NEED to have a plan. If you haven’t gone through a book like this, you’ll be amazed to find some things you’d never thought about that could potentially become real conflicts in marriage without having talked about them before they crash landed in your lap. Secondly with finances, consider picking up Randy Alcorn’s quick and easy to read book, ”The Treasure Principle: Discovering the Secret of Joyful Giving,” for an eye-opening look at how Jesus would have Christians wisely use their resources.
6. Go through The First Years of Forever by Dr. Ed Wheat and Gloria Okes Perkins to get a great deal of practical wisdom. They stress the need to seek help when issues come up, rather than make the serious mistake of waiting months or even years before going to others.
7. Here’s where I need to recommend a book while putting a huge disclaimer on it. You must read Intended for Pleasure: Sex Technique and Sexual Fulfillment in Christian Marriage by Dr. Ed Wheat and Gaye Wheat, but if you’re not yet married, don’t start reading this until you are close to your wedding night. You’ll find over 250 pages of comprehensive and trusted advice, including a key reminder you must not forget: The best way to discover what your partner enjoys will be found not in a book, but through communication with your partner about the subject.
8. Last but not least, read this solid book about living a Christ-centered marriage by applying the truth of the Gospel to your everyday lives: ”When Sinners Say ‘I Do’,” by Dave Harvey (foreword by Paul Tripp).

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www.globalrichlist.com

I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling pretty wealthy. The website goes on to say that half of the world lives on less than $2/day, and they suggest donating to help deal with the problem of poverty. I didn’t look into the specific cause they’re giving donations to, but I do know that for most of us it’s not hard to find local charities, churches, or other organizations that rely on our donations to collectively help the poor on a consistent, ongoing basis.

We can have different responses to this, but before we have a chance to point any fingers at the people higher on the list than us, let me say a quick word of caution. Blaming someone else doesn’t get us anywhere. For one thing, it’s usually just our way of excusing our own choices, and secondly, even if we were at the bottom of the list earning less than the two dollars a day that would not be enough to vindicate us, but most of all that thirdly, forcing rules, regulations, and higher taxes on others isn’t going to fix the deeper issue. That’s like putting a band-aid over cancer; you’re only dealing with what’s on the outside–external actions. You aren’t yet stepping back to understand what’s really going on inside of a person’s heart as they happily live out their comfortable life centered around what fulfills their every momentary desire. When speaking on another topic, I think Ravi Zacharias brought up a principle that applies here when he stated, “Legislation can only force compliance. It can never produce the love necessary to change an attitude.” That love he’s speaking of is the kind of love for God that changes us to love others, knowing that they were created in God’s image just as we were (see Genesis 1:27, Jeremiah 1:5, Psalm 139:13).

I’m not here to tell you how to deal with this, but I think for any of us who claim to be a Christian, it only makes sense that we (myself included) would more carefully study the central figure of our faith, Jesus Christ, by observing what he chose to focus on throughout the Gospel accounts from Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. We aren’t going to solve the issue of world poverty just as Jesus didn’t come merely to meet physical needs. If you’re not sure of that, take a look at John 4:1-42 for the account of Jesus giving the Samaritan woman water from the well, and pay close attention to his words to her in verses 13-14: “Jesus said to her, ‘Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again’.” There is a larger issue at stake than just what the poor are lacking here on earth, but we will certainly help them as our love for God flows over into every aspect of our life, creating these acts of compassion that point people to the one who we’re really doing them for.

(Put together by Desiring God Ministries. More info: www.dontwasteyourlife.com)

And just to clarify after you’ve watched this video, it has nothing to do with becoming a workaholic, or even an older person being physically incapable of working a normal full-time job. The message of this video is in direct opposition to the commonly glorified practice we have in America of quitting work later in life in order to blow all of our money on our own personal pleasure.  The reason I’m posting this video now is this: make no mistake my Christian brothers and sisters, you’re laying the groundwork for this decision right now in the way you think and the ways you’re already choosing to spend the money you’ve been given. I’ve talked to my fiancée about this issue, and she would’ve been concerned if I had chosen to have it any other way than this, meaning that we are on the same page approaching the issue. If you go into this issue saying “I’ve worked hard to earn this; what’s wrong with going into retirement?” then I’d like to point out that your question is already biased, and a more honest question for a Christian would be to ask “What could I be doing for Christ at this point in my life?” One last thing: I’ll echo in the words of Piper, “God help me live up to this,” because it’s going to be far from easy in the American culture.

The question was asked by a man to a woman, “Would you sleep with me if I gave you a million dollars?” and the woman, knowing that the man definitely could pay up, agrees that she would. He then asks her the question “Would you sleep with me for $5?” and she immediately responds, “No! What do you think I am?” to which he replies, “Oh we’ve already determined that, we’re just negotiating the price.”

I heard this story (forgive me for not remembering the specifics) a few years ago from Dr. RW Mackey, one of my business class professors at The Master’s College. I spent awhile thinking through and typing up my thoughts, but rather than publish them, I’m just going to let the story stand for itself. I trust you can get something out of it.

Last year I started with Three Angels Relief to sponsor a child’s education at the orphanage in Haiti, and this year I’m adding Charlie’s Lunch Ministries, which provides food worldwide after a 5-year old disabled kid made it a point to give his lunch away. I’m only giving a couple bucks a month, so don’t hold me up on a high platform for this. But do take a minute to read up on either of those organizations if you’re curious. I’m excited to do this for a couple reasons, and I’ve come to see that the Christian attitude of giving is so far superior to a warm and fuzzy confirmation of feeling good about myself. It’s bigger than that. Maybe the missionary who spoke in my church yesterday, Peter DeSoto, put it best when he was talking about the people down in El Salvador serving the community by building a water pipeline in unity with their pastor to provide clean water to residents where it’s desperately needed. “It’s not really a sacrifice. What you give up is so little compared to what you gain.” …And this is coming from a guy who went down to serve the people, got shot in the neck by a gunman, recovered in the hospital and went back despite his vocal cords not working the same after the bullet’s damage to his throat. 

So if you like this idea about giving, the biggest compliment you can pay is to imitate it on your own, or make up something similar and stick to it. Talk or write about it too, if you feel like that’s appropriate in your circumstance. Notice I blended the financially giving aspect with the physically serving aspect, because I think they go hand in hand. And if you can only do one or the other due to things you’ve committed yourself to or the high standard of living you signed up for, then maybe it’s something you can’t change until those things are first changed (IF possible; I’m not in favor of you neglecting family needs!). In Mark 12:41-44 I’m reminded that this little goal is actually pathetic because I’m still just giving out of my extra instead of giving all I have, as in that example Jesus praises the widow for what she did. And hey, if your local church is in need of the money to help the poor, certainly give help them out instead of just any organization.

Someday hopefully I learn how to prioritize both giving and serving better than I do now. I’m trying to remember who I heard speak a couple years ago that had the personal goal of increasing his percentage of financial giving each year, not just upping the dollar amount when the paycheck got fatter. That’s radical. 

This is going to be awesome. I love living this stuff out.

   Back to the topic…  many of us have what we need here in our life, such as food, shelter, clothes…a car for most of us… probably some friends, and usually a little extra spending money. So… what was it we needed God for?

   Not only is there the disadvantage of thinking we’re doing just fine without God in our life; there’s the second part of actually living for those things. I find it too ironic that we even die for those things; I read a news article this week of a world famous skier (which happens to be my favorite sport) that was filming for one of his videos where he did base jumping on skis, but things didn’t go as planned when he went off the cliff, and Shane McConkey ended up dying. Completely tragic. Left behind a wife and 3-year old daughter. But I’m not singling this one guy out; there’s example after example of tragedies in extreme sports. You could even use me as an example if I get run over by a semi on my motorcycle tomorrow, because I could’ve used a safer form of transportation but wanted the enjoyment of riding.

   So I think the problem is that these thrills, new things, even casual and serious relationships fill up the hole inside of us. It’s a temporary fix to the longing within when these right here and right now are all we have. They’re not true peace. You won’t get that from them. You’ll get some happy memories, sure. Excitement for the time being; of course! But look again in a few years. Or even the end of your life. It’ll be an interesting death-bed conversation, wondering what happens next, if all the thrills and stuff doesn’t matter anymore.

   I guess that just takes me to my disagreement with the whole idea of just adding a little Jesus to your life. I’ve even seen the bumper sticker “Give Jesus a try!” and it saddened me. Maybe my mind took me straight to the account of the Old Testament times of the Israelites becoming like their neighboring countries that worshipped various things and put God in there as one of those things. As if giving Jesus a try were like joining his facebook fan group, or supporting him like our favorite sports team. That’s pretty far from what Jesus actually talked about in his teachings, when he spoke of taking up a cross the same way someone would write their own death sentence, because following him was that serious.

   One of the best examples I’ve seen of someone purposefully choosing to not let himself get caught up in being rich is Francis Chan. This guy leads a church over in Simi Valley that I used to go to, but here’s a quick example of what he does. Last year he published a book called “Crazy Love” (let me know if you want it but can’t afford it; I bought a bunch of them to hand out because it’s one of the best books I’ve read, otherwise you can order here), and the book actually shot up the charts, bringing a lot of money in for him in royalties. When he was informed that he’d be getting a couple hundred thousand dollars from this book, he was excited but immediately considered what would happen if he put his security in this money instead of in God. He decided the right choice was to give all the money away; simple as that. Set up a fund for charities called the Isaiah 58 fund, and he could direct where the money should go. His friends assured him that it would be fine to keep a little for himself to set aside for emergencies, and his reply was just to point at these other needs across the world of hurting and dying people: what do you mean set aside for emergencies? So he and his wife started praying for a specific need to come up that the first royalty check should go to. Within a couple days of creating the “Isaiah 58 Fund,” a lawyer and pastor were sitting in Chan’s office explaining how they needed help over in Thailand to fight the sex trafficking going on. Get this: they told Chan that they had just started the “Isaiah 58 Project” and were wondering if there was anything he could do to help them. There was his answer, so that’s who the first check is going to.

   Well now that I’ve typed this out, it’s time for me to go think about it all some more. Serious implications for those of us who call ourselves Christians. I hope my words are not taken as “Don’t be rich,” but instead a warning at how much harder true Christianity is for us as Americans, or even Southern Californians if you’re here near my area. You could argue with me that it’s the love of money that gets condemned rather than money itself, which I agree with, but that wasn’t the point. It’s a lot easier to love money and the things it buys when you actually have it (and plenty of it, as I feel like I do).

(inspired by: matthew 19:23-26)