My wife and I are approaching our first anniversary. While we’re by no means experts on the topic of marriage, we are a little further along than some friends who are engaged or have recently gotten married, so I want to share a list of recommended resources and advice for our friends who are Christians. If something here helps you out, or if you have additional thoughts on the topic, I’d love to hear from you. For any of the young women with questions, my wife Karen would be happy to help where she can–and I have to add that she has her Bachelor’s Degree in Biblical Counseling.

The List:

1. Go through the marriage DVD series from Paul Tripp, “What Did You Expect?” - This series that was developed out of a marriage conference contains 10 separate 25-minute sessions. If you can’t do the DVD version, read the book by the same title.
2. Ask an older and more mature couple to sit down with you both for premarital counseling. I’ve heard of this being done in different formats, and I’m sure there are benefits to different styles, but do this with another couple whose marriage relationship is one that people look up to, and of course, plan to follow up with them after your wedding takes place. The goal here isn’t to make it to the wedding day–you as a committed Christian are looking far beyond that to establish a solid marriage that honors God.
3. Study the attributes of God in a book like A.W. Tozer’s “The Knowledge of the Holy.” And if you haven’t read a book together, keep in mind that there’s no need to read out loud to each other. I prefer reading on my own while adding post-it notes to the pages I want to review and discuss afterwards, but that’s only a preference.
4. Focus on your own individual relationship with God through prayer and through reading your Bible. If you only did one thing on this list, pick this one. Your personal relationship with the Lord will affect all other relationships, so do not neglect it or fool yourself into blending it with another relationship you have.
5. Get serious about discussing financial issues. Larry Burkett’s book, “The Complete Financial Guide for Young Couples“ was a very helpful resource for my wife and I to get a quick overview of the major and minor financial choices we would soon be facing together. You NEED to have a plan. If you haven’t gone through a book like this, you’ll be amazed to find some things you’d never thought about that could potentially become real conflicts in marriage without having talked about them before they crash landed in your lap. Secondly with finances, consider picking up Randy Alcorn’s quick and easy to read book, ”The Treasure Principle: Discovering the Secret of Joyful Giving,” for an eye-opening look at how Jesus would have Christians wisely use their resources.
6. Go through The First Years of Forever by Dr. Ed Wheat and Gloria Okes Perkins to get a great deal of practical wisdom. They stress the need to seek help when issues come up, rather than make the serious mistake of waiting months or even years before going to others.
7. Here’s where I need to recommend a book while putting a huge disclaimer on it. You must read Intended for Pleasure: Sex Technique and Sexual Fulfillment in Christian Marriage by Dr. Ed Wheat and Gaye Wheat, but if you’re not yet married, don’t start reading this until you are close to your wedding night. You’ll find over 250 pages of comprehensive and trusted advice, including a key reminder you must not forget: The best way to discover what your partner enjoys will be found not in a book, but through communication with your partner about the subject.
8. Last but not least, read this solid book about living a Christ-centered marriage by applying the truth of the Gospel to your everyday lives: ”When Sinners Say ‘I Do’,” by Dave Harvey (foreword by Paul Tripp).

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First of all, is there a need for an official ministry within the local church that focuses on–shall we call it computer information technology? Yes, most churches already have a media ministry nested under another group, and they might be playing defense just to keep up, but consider the following scenarios:

1. Older less tech-savvy generations of church members interested in understanding computers at an entry level.
2. Church members needing assistance in order to remove viruses and pornography from infected computers.
3. Pastors, elders, or church members looking for reliable Bible study software tools, potentially with questions about how to best use those programs.
4. Men (or less commonly, women) seeking help in their personal fight against viewing porn. A response here could include not just providing accountability software made by CovenantEyes.com, but also help to initiate relationships so that those who struggle can voluntarily become accountable to those not currently tempted in the same way.
5. Church office staff who need training on common tasks such as posting or sharing digital content for church members.
6. Missionaries in need of computer equipment, training on how to use blogs or other communication tools, and maintenance/troubleshooting done remotely. Safety and security would need to be addressed in the many geographical areas hostile to Christians. A response here could include coordinating with local businesses to receive donations of obsolete equipment for reuse by the church.
7. Parents seeking help with protecting their children’s safety and privacy while using computer, smartphones, etc.
8. Church websites being developed and maintained, if not already taken care of by an existing media ministry. Also related to this area are social media pages like Facebook for posting and passing along relevant news, church events, prayer requests, suggested reading material, etc.

What if the local church put more emphasis on helping in these areas?  In any of  these examples, an information technology ministry would work differently depending on how big or small a church is and in what geographic area it is located, but the focus would remain on wisely putting God-given resources to use. There would be numerous considerations to think through if an official ministry like this existed: What is the intended goal in mind when addressing each issue? What can or should the church pay for? What potential pitfalls might arise if this function was moved from originally using a local business to now using only internal manpower? Should a different priority be given to low-income members who cannot afford equipment or services? Would other ministries suffer from losing valuable resources or people in the process? Does this ministry keep with the overall goal of the local church’s intended purpose? Do other churches already have something similar, and if so how does it work?

Comments are welcome.

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Media Ecology and the Modern Mind: A Conversation with T. David Gordon

Listen to the podcast here.

Posted April 4th, 2011. | Length: 44 min. |  iTunes: Albert Mohler – Thinking in Public.

“…I was afraid that such a book might appear to be uncharitable, so I just didn’t write it. But then when I had stage three cancer in 2004 with about a 25% survival rate I began to feel that it would be irresponsible to die without saying this.” – Gordon

“…to imagine going through this fallen world without the sustenance of many fine and great hymns is just–I can hardly do it–and it almost is heartbreaking… Many people testify that in some of the difficult moments of their lives, what sustains them was the great courage begetting power of a well written hymn. And when our daughter for instance died of leukemia, the first daughter, for years my wife’s favorite hymn afterwards was “Whatever My God Ordains Is Right.” And it was such a valuable hymn to have already learned before that moment so that it was like an inflated life raft to carry us through…” – Gordon

“…the Psalms that existed for three to four thousand years without music. That is to say many of this experience is sheer biblical poetry. Most of us, we read it devotionally and in other ways or have them responsively read at church. And for me the test is this: if a hymn can survive without music, if the lyrics alone would survive without music, it’s a good hymn. And if it won’t survive–if no one would even bother with it… it’s not good enough. And if you think of it, many of our hymns (especially those of Cooper) existed as Christian poetry before anyone ever put them to music…” – Gordon

“…when I mentioned earlier that many people have never heard a steady of diet of good preaching, because of the internet, today people can hear the good preacher: they can hear Mark Dever, they can hear Tim Keller, they can hear you [Al Mohler], they can hear Lig Ducan, they can hear David Hall. There are good preachers out there–Alistair Begg and so forth. What happens if people listen to those people on a regular basis? They will realize that what they are getting in their local church is inadequate. And maybe that will at least provoke the people to say, ’We expect better,’ in the future.” – Gordon

Full transcript here.

The two books by T. David Gordon that are discussed during the interview:

1. Why Johnny Can’t Sing Hymns: How Pop Culture Rewrote the Hymnal (Published June 1, 2010).
2. Why Johnny Can’t Preach: The Media Have Shaped the Messengers (Published February 27, 2009).

They also mentioned Neil Postman, who wrote the highly influential book, “Amusing Ourselves to Death: Public Discourse in the Age of Show Business.” This one helped to shape and change my thinking on more than one level. My favorite quotes from that book here.

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“God does not search around to find you a mate that’s compatible. More than likely he’s going to search around and find you a mate that’s totally incompatible with you. Why? He’s going to give you a mate that’s strong in all the areas where they must be strong that you not be tempted beyond what you can bear, but he’s also going to give you a mate that fails in some of the areas where you most do not want them to fail so that you become like Jesus. And what does that mean? So that you learn to love someone unconditionally that doesn’t meet the conditions.”  - Paul Washer   (source: video)

It was to a group of Christians that Paul Washer said this, and the implications are life-changing.

• Those of us who are married: Do we put unfair expectations on our wife or husband because we somehow have this idea that God gave our spouse strength in every single area that we are weak in?
• To those of you dating someone–and this recently included myself: Do you have dangerous assumptions relying on what God will do in the other person you’re with, instead of striving towards sanctification in your own life as you date this person?
• And lastly to those Christians not in either category: Do you expect someday to find the person that will magically be the solution for all of your weaknesses, as if Christ died for some of your sin–just the sin thats easy enough for you in your power to get rid of?
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No, instead “let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith…” (Hebrews 12:1-2).  Isn’t it complete changes that we see across the accounts of people God uses in the Bible? I’m thinking of Jesus’ disciples who left all they had to follow him, many of whom later were put to death because they held to their faith about who he really was, or the way the apostle Paul turned from killing Christians to not just becoming one but going on to write a large portion of the New Testament. None of this “Never change who you are” fluff, or any form of the popular lie “It’s just how God made me” that ignores the fall of the human race in Genesis 3 (and references back to this event such as Romans 5:12). If these disciples and early Christians were being completely transformed on the inside, why then are we so quick to make excuses about habits we’re lazy with, as if calling it a personal struggle means we’re given a “Get Out of Jail Free” card?

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“Now who is there to harm you if you are zealous for what is good? But even if you should suffer for righteousness’ sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled, but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame.” (1 Peter 3:13-16, from the ESV)

I’ve heard it put this way: the true Gospel message is already offensive, so why let your personality add to it? Don’t get in the way of the message itself so that they’re up against what the Bible is saying instead of the way I’m coming across. That’s right on, and who wouldn’t be offended when shown what the Bible says about you and I constantly living in rebellion against a perfectly Holy God who would be justified to kill us off in an instant–but only for his mercy gives us repeated opportunities to return to him through wholehearted faith in Jesus Christ? Note: for those unsure about where the Bible talks about this, start with the book of Romans; focusing on Romans 3:23, 6:23, and 10:9-13. And for a much bigger view of what God’s character is like, read through the Old Testament while keeping in mind that his character has never changed since then, as verses like James 1:17, Numbers 23:19, or Malachi 3:6 say “For I the LORD do not change.”

By the way, here’s a quick side note that was shown to me years ago. For Peter to tell his readers that they should be prepared to give a reason for the hope inside (and hope in the biblical expression here means something you’re completely sure of), the apostle is assuming that people are going to ask his readers why they’re different! If they blended right in with those around them in the lifestyle they chose, there would be no reason for people to ask what they’re living for, because who would bother to notice?

But what I want to do here is go directly to a book called “Tactics” by Gregory Koukl that has seriously impacted my thinking on all of this, and for that I HIGHLY recommend picking up this book. It’s written to help Christians know how to talk about their convictions, knowing that we already have volumes of material written in defense of the actual claims of the Christian faith, leaving people like myself needing help with maneuvering comfortably and kindly through beneficial conversations. The author also reminds his readers that it should give them confidence when they realize how compared with all the worldviews out there, Christianity is the one that best explains who we are and how we got here. The book cover mentions that Koukl has Masters Degrees in philosophy and in apologetics, he’s spoken at 50+ university campuses, he hosted a radio talk show for 18 years, and founded Stand to Reason (www.str.org).

Here’s an excerpt from what Koukl says when addressing just one of the reservations that Christians have when they try to shy away from these issues:

When people say you can’t argue anyone into the kingdom, they usually have an alternative approach in mind. They might be thinking that a genuine expression of love, kindness, and acceptance, coupled with a simple presentation of the gospel, is a more biblical approach.

If you are tempted to think this way, let me say something that may shock you: You cannot love someone into the kingdom. It can’t be done. In fact, the simple gospel itself is not even adequate to do that job.

How do I know? Because many people who were treated with sacrificial love and kindness by Christians never surrendered to the Savior. Many who have heard a clear explanation of God’s gift in Christ never put their trust in him.

In each case something was missing that, when present, always results in conversion. What’s missing is that special work of the Father that Jesus referred do, drawing a lost soul into his arms (John 6:44). Of this work Jesus also said, “Of all that He has given Me I lose nothing, but raise it up on the last day” (John 6:39).

According to Jesus, then, two things are true. First, there is a particular work of God that is necessary to bring someone into the kingdom. Second, when present, this work cannot fail to accomplish its goal. Without the work of the Spirit, no argument—no matter how persuasive—will be effective. But neither will any act of love nor any simple presentation of the gospel. Add the Spirit, though, and the equation changes dramatically.

Here’s the key principle: Without God’s work, nothing else works, but with God’s work, many things work. Under the influence of the Holy Spirit, love persuades. But the power of God, the gospel transforms. And with Jesus at work, arguments convince. God is happy to use each of these methods. Why do you think God is just as pleased to use a good argument as a warm expression of love? Because both love and reason are consistent with God’s own character. The same God who is the essence of love also gave the invitation, “Come now, and let us reason together.” Therefore, both approaches honor him.

- from “Tactics: A game plan for discussing your Christian convictions” by Greg Koukl, page 36. Foreword by Lee Strobel, endorsed by JP Moreland, Sean McDowell, William Lane Craig, and Norm Geisler.

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There’s a great story behind this artwork that I just put up on the wall of my office. It was a collaboration between Barton Damer and Promise Tangeman to help raise money for the Huruma Children’s Home, an orphanage near Nairobi, the capital of Kenya in East Africa. I don’t know these artists personally, but they wanted to do something with their skill to benefit this children’s home with its many needs, so they donated the profits from selling posters and t-shirts. Taking it a step further, they’ve invited other artists to start their own benefit projects, however that looks. Pretty cool, isn’t it? I just love seeing and hearing about Christians who are “doers,” rather than merely “hearers,” as the apostle James warns of in the Bible (James chapter 1, check it out). We can all talk about the poor and the orphans, but what are we going to do about them?

Do you see, do you see
All the people sinking down
Don’t you care, don’t you care
Are you gonna let them drown
How can you be so numb
Not to care if they come
You close your eyes
And pretend the job’s done

“Oh bless me Lord, bless me Lord”
You know it’s all I ever hear
No one aches, no one hurts
No one even sheds one tear

But He cries, He weeps, He bleeds
And He cares for your needs
And you just lay back
And keep soaking it in
Oh, can’t you see it’s such a sin?

Cause He brings people to you door
And you turn them away
As you smile and say
“God bless you, be at peace”
And all heaven just weeps
Cause Jesus came to your door
You’ve left him out on the streets

Open up open up
And give yourself away
You see the need, you hear the cries
So how can you delay

God’s calling and you’re the one
But like Jonah you run
He’s told you to speak
But you keep holding it in
Oh can’t you see it’s such a sin?

The world is sleeping in the dark
That the church just can’t fight
Cause it’s asleep in the light
How can you be so dead
When you’ve been so well fed
Jesus rose from the grave
And you, you can’t even get out of bed

Oh, Jesus rose from the dead
Come on, get out of your bed

How can you be so numb
Not to care if they come
You close your eyes
And pretend the job’s done

Don’t close your eyes
Don’t pretend the job’s done
Come away, come away, come away with Me my love
Come away, from this mess, come away with Me, my love