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   I’ve always felt like I don’t have enough time in life. Like every day… okay maybe not every day, but so often I’m either laying there in bed…or more likely running around trying to get to bed while just disappointed at the remaining “to-do” list from the day. And I’m also one to look for a cause to an effect to all kinds of things I observe in life, so I’m left wondering why there’s never adequate time to get things done. While growing up there was always lots to do–part of that naturally comes with being in a large family, and I happened to have plenty of neighbors, extended family, and friends as well–so there were always people to talk to, people to go visit, relatives coming and going, exciting new things to try, and always something new to learn. One thing that I just couldn’t relate to was how people could constantly be bored. I think that can speak about the person, but I just wondered how they could run out of things to do. In college it confused me how friends could sit playing video games for hours because I didn’t see how they had time–but not to say I was good at managing my time–I often failed at that. I do however think the same activity can be an excellent or a poor use of time based on what is going on with the people participating in it–such as two people interacting or getting to know each other, versus just one person alone in that activity. And yet who am I to judge, if that person is building up a mental or physical skill they will later use for good purposes? (Although I’m not sure that is usually the case).

   More recently, I’ve been surprised at how busy I can still be after the test studying, assignment due-dates, and late nights of college life have past… shouldn’t I have free time now? So the part that hit me lately was simple of course, and I’ve heard it before, but you know how some lessons don’t stick in your mind the first few times? Yeah. Well it’s a little sad, but at the same time helpful to understand where the problem is coming from. The problem here being my frustration with not having enough time.

   Here it is: It’s not really my time. It’s not really my day, as if I somehow own that? I don’t think you’ll necessarily understand this unless you’re a Christian, because when you’re a Christian, you’re not really living for yourself (And yes, I do know plenty of people wearing the name Christian who are by all appearances living for their own self). So in that context, for me to be frustrated–that I didn’t get MY to do list accomplished for MY own personal goals of keeping MY schedule–is just a little set of planets orbiting around my head. But if you’re reading this and not a Christian, then it must seem a little strange, because it’s just easier to plan the day and the year and the rest of your life around what you feel like doing. Or better yet no need to plan because no other people are really involved, unless they conveniently fit into your plan.

   Weird side note–some close friends and I were talking tonight about giving, and one guy was saying that it’s really the Christian’s duty to go out and look for opportunities to help people, rather than sit back and decide what to do when an opportunity gets put right in front of us. Anyway my realization was that I give or help people only when it’s really convenient, and not even then sometimes. Sad. It’s called sacrifice, basically what I’m willing to give up–is that really loving of me to just help people when all the planets have aligned and a voice from Heaven comes down? I think it’s kind of pathetic. Maybe it’s part of why Christians have such a bad reputation with everyone. It’s like we’re just this annoying bunch of close-minded protestors that usually dress a certain way and have these weird anti-science views because we’re idiots. (That was me shareing how outsiders often really do view Christians). So the part about me realizing I only do something when it’s convenient–why don’t I specifically look around for a homeless guy that wants to eat each time I go to the gas station? Or watch for people by the side of the road that need a ride? Yeah there’s safety concerns, but honestly I think we use that as a blanket excuse.

   Back to the idea of time… here’s the implication. If time isn’t mine, and I didn’t get everything done that I wanted to… why is that such a problem? Yes of course I’m responsible commitments I’ve made and making every effort to do my best (1 Corinthians 10:31), but the tangible result I see right in front of me shouldn’t be how I measure success. It’s about coming to the end of the day and being content with the time I was given, then looking forward to the next day for a fresh new start.

(related: psalm 24:1)

Tags: christians, frustration, homeless, lessons, time